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Last One To Leave

by polari

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1.
i buried plans, digging toes in the sand on a familiar shore, until it was all such a bore year after year, fighting back all of the tears i gave into familiar fears and they leave my unsure i know that nothing is sacred nothing can change this, nothing at all he looked down at me, asked "where will you be?" as i sunk into my feet, if only it were easy you said, that i could have made it that i should have chased this that will be all
2.
my lover went west, she left before the morning packed her bags and slipped right through the door i must have been out cold, i did not hear her calling but she must have known the price i paid in gold so i took my plans and i stacked them towards the ceiling i took my demons and tossed them down a well and the ghosts outside didn't seem so deceiving i could have sworn that i heard them calling out that if i'm not older now, then what's the age you begin? to see the world for how it truly is? well, are you alright? they asked, "are you alright?" and i said, "yes, i'll be just fine"
3.
when my soul slipped out from the grave they were broken down from naming escapades with the dew of the harbor fresh on their tongues they packed their bags and abandoned this town once again when my bones were finally laid the crows all perched on the cemetery gates and the lord and his mother stayed awake through the night and everything was alright but the silence is felt for miles between the trees of the hollow where i lay waiting still for their return but even now, will i ever learn?
4.
little spores above your head say you can rest settle down on the bed moving through our chest fireflies in the yard distant glistening stars safe in a blanket of heat in these july weeks running through the streets on our bare feet looking up at the trees branches and tumbleweeds finally finding sleep on a train to the big city on a train to the big city you were with me and we were happy
5.
can you apologize when you look me in the eye? lately it seems that there is a reason why i'm losing count between the breaks in your fevered stare all these ample sinners tend to go nowhere and that mirror is still showing me the same damn face i'll clean up or i'll make a convincing disgrace pull it out from the cracks bound beneath the floor give it up to the attitudes i adore i'm still racing the turn over the hourglass contemplating a moment that's already past self denial will only get you so far i imagine from the steering wheel of my car i remember in twilight i would drive so fast can't decipher my reckoning with the past fearing my own truth will be perceived as fake sticks and stones yet not a single bone to break and it's hard to be this sincere when what you keep near is claiming to be someone you're not and it's hard to keep you close when what you mean the most is claiming to be someone you're not
6.
your old scarf fits nice there's coffee on the table i'm crying, but you can't see we made some snow angels and cut some sharp angles there's dishes in the sink piling towards the ceiling i'm crying, but you can't see so i took up wandering through the old roads and past the banks and the drifts i felt how it is to let go up in the dawn break running it through my head how you yearned for the world, but wound up with me instead and i'm crying, but you can't see
7.
Bad Habits 01:42
what did you say to me? the words fell out of your mouth under the passenger seat must have been so sweet now you love me as we drive around anything that you're feeling in this northern town where the future, the present, the past down the same three exits we've passed could this place be too pristine to leave? yet there's a feeling in the air like a tropical disease maybe i've had it but boy, it's so hard to break bad habits
8.
Old Friends 03:59
you barely ever really known me, but we'll say we're old friends and when i show up to a party i've rehearsed some small talk skits i can't believe i'm even forcing myself and i think you agree yet here we are at another function grinning politely getting to know you, not this circumstance like giving up walking out on me, mid sentence if i can help it, it's okay i don't even mind being called fake man, i'm just trying my best and every time i run my tongue, i don't know what to say so i grin politely just to get through the day thank God you're here to tell me how to behave another awkward kid who needs to be saved and my best, man, it's always the same i guess living life with no confidence feeling lost without consequence all the acoustics would stop and then time passed slowly and the fear kept growing until you shut down completely my defenses depleting and i guess this is me now i would curse your name and still harbor all of the blame for a point the i lost in vain
9.
whistle and blow the winds come and go there's no home without you and i tried to let you know tried to let it all go but there's no doubts about you but it seems it won't take hold round and round we go like a house in a tornado yet i can't let you know through the hail and the snow i will always chase after you
10.
it's hard to find a friend i won't stop to pretend and on a desert isle where i'll stay for awhile then i made it home alright as i fade into the night but do you know how it feels to be sober behind the wheel? and i never stopped to think how it must have made them all feel
11.
i took to streets of an abandoned causeway where the terrain no soul could trek my memory leaks like an open faucet giving my tongue no time to draw breath sprawled on the floor looking up at flakes by the thousands and evergreens, like frozen monuments give me the time to regain my composure by the end of the week i'm refilled with regrets and you can't take it back what you said you never meant it doesn't matter now and it didn't matter then when you needed a savior i was holding your hand blind-sided by our regrets hand in hand, but never again
12.
Gilmore 02:46
there's a picture in the drawer of our graduation that haunts me forever more and you find me such a bore as you pass out on the couch to a marathon of happy gilmore then we sit out on the porch watching moths caught up in spider webs above our summer torch and i said you should get a job as i'm wondering what all the free time is doing to your mind and i thought you would be kind but here i am left all alone stuck in my own mind and i speak of you constantly but you never speak of me
13.
beneath the sea by the old house is a timed catastrophe and it's beckoning me to come through give all of the treachery subdued the harbor so angry and green turns to vapor on the porch screen won't you give me a chance to come clean now? as i totally feel disavowed and i know i can't make you proud by the time you can sing it aloud we'll both be swallowed by the sea

about

i would like to thank: nicole demarco, nicholas starrantino, ryan moyer, robert grisafi, sean murphy & peter hamblen for their involvement in the project. to matthew clifton, jay lewis & alexa altolaguirre for attending sessions for photos or to lend a musical ear. also to matthew clifton for all design & art direction. to mr. & mrs. demarco especially during late night sessions at their home & for treating us to the occasional chinese takeout. to christopher dalrymple & robert grisafi for giving me a couch to crash on. & to all the friends & family (most mentioned above) who gave me rides to & from the long island railroad.

a very special thanks & my undying gratitude to big frame recordings & in-house recordings for bringing this record to life.

to all of my friends & family for their continued support & to anyone who has listened i thank you.

credits

released August 17, 2018

polari is salvatore grisafi

recorded between jul. 2017 & jul. 2018 in setauket, ny at big frame recordings & in-house recordings

songs & ideas for songs written between jan. 2009 & nov. 2017 by salvatore grisafi

lyrics by salvatore grisafi

produced by nicole demarco & nicholas starrantino

mastered by nicholas starrantino

album artwork photo by sean murphy & design by matt clifton

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polari Seattle, Washington

just me and a guitar mostly.

@sjpolari on socials

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